


you will always be my dear

by amaanogawa



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst with a Happy Ending, Future Fic, Getting Back Together, M/M, Post-Break Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-06
Updated: 2018-05-06
Packaged: 2019-05-03 01:53:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14558274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amaanogawa/pseuds/amaanogawa
Summary: "So one thing led to another and here they were, all of them crowded into a small yakiniku restaurant on some back road in Tokyo with Daichi feeling vaguely like his heart was about to beat out of his chest.He hasn't seen Kuroo since they broke up 3 years ago, tear stained shoulders and a bittersweet smile on a windy platform as he boarded a train that whisked him away to the other side of the country in a matter of hours."Kurodai Week 2018 Day 2| May 7: Getting Together|Post Break-up





	you will always be my dear

**Author's Note:**

> _I cannot live without you_   
>  _I told you this is true_   
>  _I'll take pieces of you with me_   
>  _I'll take parts you never knew_   
>    
>  _And one day you will wake up_   
>  _Without warning or a clue_   
>  _And start to notice little things_   
>  _That are missing parts of you_   
>    
>  _My Dear - Kina Grannis_

Tapping his finger nervously against the dark grain of the wooden table in front of him, Daichi still isn't sure that he made the right choice in attending the Karasuno-Nekoma reunion tonight.

It wasn't supposed to be a Trash Heap reunion. It was only supposed to be a Crow's reunion, because it was golden week and they had finally managed to shepherd everyone into one place after so many failed attempts in the years prior. But then Nishinoya had mentioned to Yaku that he was in the city and Hinata had been planning on meeting up with Kenma, Lev and Inuoka anyway, so one thing led to another and here they were, all of them crowded into a small yakiniku restaurant on some back road in Tokyo with Daichi feeling vaguely like his heart was about to beat out of his chest.

Kuroo was the last to arrive. Of course he was, because even after all these years he just can't put Daichi out of his misery quickly. The minutes drag on as Daichi tenses his fingers, slipping on the cold condensation forming on his pint of beer and fixates his eyes on the entrance of the restaurant with a nervous stare.

He hasn't seen Kuroo since they broke up 3 years ago, tear stained shoulders and a bittersweet smile on a windy platform as he boarded a train that whisked him away to the other side of the country in a matter of hours.

They could have tried to make it work. It had been Daichi's decision not to, because long distance is hard and life gets in the way as much as you swear it won't. He didn't want Kuroo to fizzle out of his life slowly, he didn't think he would survive it- because loving Kuroo has always been a solid foundation in Daichi's life like no other, and it was unbearable to imagine the ground crumbling beneath his feet little by little until he had nothing left to stand on at all.

He'd rather just jump to save himself the agony, and that's what he did. Daichi never thought it was going to be easy, but he wasn't prepared for just how empty he felt without Kuroo by his side. During the day he would sit in his office with a shiny placard on the door bearing his name and an equally shiny title, the thing that he had given everything up for, but at night all he had to return home to was an empty apartment and a small, yellowing cactus. Daichi had accidentally made two servings of every meal for weeks before he was able to kick the habit. It got easier with time, as all things do, and slowly over the course of 3 long years it seemed like he had finally packed Kuroo up into a small, small box that he tucked away deep down in the recesses of his heart.

But here Daichi was, voluntarily opening it back up again after how long it took to heal the jagged wound in his chest. It's hard not to be nervous because of just how large an existence Kuroo had been in his life, but it has been a long time since and while Daichi knows he will always love Kuroo, he is sure that it isn't in the same way any more.

His heart won't skip a beat at the sight of Kuroo's smile, not the ever present smirk that everyone sees, but the soft smile that makes his eyes crinkle in the corners when they laid sleepily in bed on lazy Sunday mornings. His skin won't burn where Kuroo touches him, pinpricks of electricity mapping the remnants of Kuroo's presence. It has been a long while since and 3 years is a long time to get over someone.

And yet, right as Daichi is mulling over these thoughts, convincing himself that there is no possible way he could still be in love with one Kuroo Tetsurou, that is precisely the moment Kuroo decides to show up- because he's _Kuroo_ and he has never once made anything easy for Daichi in the history of their affiliation with each other.

He steps into the restaurant, ducking his head slightly under the low doorframe, eyes wandering across the restaurant for a few seconds before coming to rest on Daichi and his mouth breaks into a smile, the exact one that Daichi had just been thinking about.

And god, if he isn't still the most beautiful thing Daichi has ever laid eyes on.

Forget his heart skipping a beat. It stopped dead in its tracks, right then and there.

"Well damn, aren't you a sight for sore eyes." Kuroo comes to a stop next to Daichi, something warm burning in his eyes as he speaks. "It's nice to see you, Sawamura."

A painful pang echoes dully in his chest because he hasn't been _Sawamura_ in many, many years. He used to be _Daichi_ or _Dai_ , whispered or laughed or breathed as if he held all of Kuroo in the palm of his hand.

"Same to you," Daichi smiles. He hopes it isn't obvious that his voice is shaking. "You look good, Kuroo."

Kuroo's hair is shorter, shaved at the back and sides but left longer on top, and he had kept his usual bangs that still flops over his right eye. His shoulders are broader, his chest sturdier like he has finally filled out his natural shape- he looks different, but still undeniably the same person that Daichi used to tease about being too bony to lay on comfortably. The leather jacket he's wearing over a simple black t-shirt fits him perfectly, emphasizing the swell of his muscles that taper down to a trim waist. A pair of snug dark wash jeans and black boots completing a look that makes Daichi's mouth go dry.

"Thanks." Kuroo tilts his head, eyes glimmering gold and intense as he stares. A moment of quiet tension passes like that, all the noise of the crowd drowning out around them, and Kuroo looks like a million thoughts are buzzing in his mind before he opens his mouth to say something. "I-"

"Kuroo-saaan!"

Lev chooses that exact timing to appear, throwing himself at Kuroo and draping his arms over Kuroo's shoulders. "Long time no see! I wish you would show up to my university games once in awhile, it makes me feel lonely you know-"

Daichi doesn't miss the way that Kuroo keeps his eyes on him for a few seconds longer before turning to catch Lev in a headlock, dragging him away to where Yaku and Kai are sitting. It's only then that Daichi realizes that he's holding his breath, and lets out a long sigh before slumping forward onto the table, his forehead hitting the wood with a dull thunk.

A strong hand whacks him right between the shoulder blades, and he doesn't even have to look up to know who it belongs to.

"I'm so screwed, Suga. I'm so, so screwed."

Suga laughs, pushing Daichi's beer glass closer to him.

"Did you only realize that now, Daichi? I've been telling you for years, you know."

\---

Two and a half hours pass with Kuroo sitting on the opposite side of the restaurant from him, and people are slowly trickling out of the restaurant, saying their goodbyes and promising to keep in touch. The multiple pints of beer pooling warm in Daichi's belly are enough to start making his eyelids droop, so he decisively takes his stand and announces his leave.

He hugs the remaining crows one by one and offers a wave and a smile to the cats that are left.

He doesn't look at Kuroo.

As Daichi exits the restaurant, his heart pounding in his chest, he doesn't know quite how to feel. He had thought that seeing Kuroo again would reassure him, bring some closure to that chapter of his life, but it only left him more confused. The way that he had felt when Kuroo stepped through the door was unmistakable. But what can he do? He was the one who decided to end their relationship 3 years ago. It's impossible to take that back. And Daichi can't even confidently say whether he would want to take it back or not, regardless of how he feels now. It's easy to reflect and think about what you would do differently, but at the time he felt it was the right decision to make. There's no guarantee that they would have worked even if they had tried- at least that's what Daichi tries to tell himself as he walks.

"Sawamura!"

When Daichi turns, Kuroo is jogging to catch up to him. He can feel blood pulsing in his ears as Kuroo reaches him and they fall into a casual pace next to each other, walking side by side like they haven't in years.

"Hey." Daichi says, feeling something akin to fear spreading through his veins. He has never been cowardly, never been one to shy away from anything, but Kuroo has always been able to terrify him like no other. He is a mysterious force that shakes Daichi to his very core. That evidently still hasn't changed- it probably won't ever change.

"Where are you headed? You aren't headed back to Nagasaki tonight, are you? It's so late."

Leave it to Kuroo to cut right into Daichi's chest in one fell swoop, because this is the question he has been dreading since the moment he knew about the reunion tonight. Daichi can't seem to look Kuroo in the eye as he shoves his hands in his pockets, scuffing his feet on the sidewalk.

"I moved back to Tokyo, actually. I was promoted to an executive position at the head office."

There's a beat of silence that Daichi knew was coming, and slowly he lifts his head to meet Kuroo's stare. His expression is a mix of things Daichi can't determine, some bittersweet resignation that Daichi wishes he wasn't the cause of.

"When?" Kuroo asks, his voice dipping into dangerous levels of emotion.

"A few months ago."

"You didn't call me." A statement, not an accusation.

"No." Daichi says.

"Did you want to?"

A simple question with a million and one implications. Daichi knows it must have taken courage to ask, because he himself harboured so many of the same kinds of questions that he was too scared to ask. Do you miss me? Do you still think of us? Do you wish we had a happier ending? Daichi doesn't voice any of them out loud. He can't.

Kuroo was always his better half.

He makes up for where Daichi lacks, bends where Daichi cannot, ebbs where Daichi flows. They have always worked well like that.

"You know I did, Tetsu." An admission, not an excuse.

The pain in his own voice is so palpable it makes him wince, because he can't even remember how many times he pulled out his phone, his thumb hovering over Kuroo- no, Tetsu's contact, an internal struggle waging within him to call or not to call. In the end he had convinced himself that 3 years is too long for there to be any semblance of anything, that he shouldn't be dragging up old flames that have long been extinguished. He believed that he owed Tetsu at least that much, to let him find his happiness without Daichi getting in the way. That was what he told himself.

Tetsurou stops in his tracks, stares, and stares, and stares, his brows drawing together as he worries his bottom lip between his teeth. They stand there under the dimly lit street lights in the back roads of Tokyo, the city where their love had ended 3 years ago, somehow right back in that moment. The same emotions swirling in the wind around them in the dead of night.

"You broke my heart." Tetsurou finally says. The street lights around them illuminate his face softly as he lifts his shoulders in a weak shrug.

"I broke my own, too." Daichi admits, offering a sad smile. And then, softly- "I should have fought. For you."

"I should have asked you to." Tetsurou lets out a trembling laugh, shaking his head incredulously as he drags his fingers through his hair. "Hey, Daichi. How did we end up here? We should be together, shouldn't we?"

"Tetsu-"

"I went on dates. After you left, I waited for weeks, expecting you to call or write or text or maybe even just show up at my door, y'know? I thought you'd realize that you made a mistake because how could it possibly be right that we aren't together? But you didn't, and then I thought maybe there was a chance that I was wrong- so I started going on dates. They were disastrous. Every single one of them. I'd take them to our favourite ramen stand and they'd make this disappointed face, and all I could think about was how happy you used to get when you ate. It made everything taste so good, just seeing you eat so enthusiastically. And then I'd talk to them about volleyball, and they wouldn't care, and I'd just miss being able to talk to you about the things we love. They don't laugh at my jokes, or get childishly competitive with me over stupid stuff, or chide me about my sleeping habits. And that's when I knew that I didn't want more first dates. I wanted you, Daichi. I want you, and no one else. That still hasn't changed, not in 3 years and it won't in the future, either."

Daichi stares into Tetsurou's eyes, an endless, all encompassing gold, and in that moment he truly doesn't understand how they got to be where they are now. How they can somehow be right next to each other and yet left with a distance between them that seems too vast to cross.

"In their defence, all of your jokes are really terrible." Daichi laughs weakly, and Tetsurou smiles in return, taking a single step closer.

"But you laughed anyway. No matter how bad they were. Or how exasperated you got with me. You always laughed."

"I did."

"Hey, Daichi. Do you still love me?"

Tetsu extends his hand- a hand that Daichi had taken countless times before without hesitation, but it now seems like a giant leap across a bottomless chasm. Tetsu is an optimist, this much Daichi knows for sure. They have so much that they need to come to terms with, so much regret that they must face. 3 whole years worth of heartbreak and anger and loneliness to overcome. There is a big chance that this is a mistake.

It would be so much safer to keep the past in the past.

But the answer to Tetsurou's question is an easy one. And if that is so, then no matter what they will find a way, won't they?

After all, they have always worked well like that.

"I never stopped." Daichi replies, and reaches out to take Tetsu's hand.

**Author's Note:**

> this fic was written on my phone whilst in a plane, literally on a mountain, in a car, and in the middle of the night whilst suffering from jetlag so i apologize if there are any mistakes. i'm just so happy i was able to get a fic out in time! 
> 
> happy kurodai week everyone! may we continue to reap a bountiful harvest of hand holding and always remember to honour our lord and saviour furudate haruichi!
> 
> [my tumblr](https://amaanogawa.tumblr.com) / [twitter](http://twitter.com/amaanogawa_)


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